A Look Into My Life

Hey, I'm a reader not a writer!

So the neighbor lady has kicked her husband out again. Starting tomorrow I will be watching the children again in the mornings before school and in the afternoons until she gets home after 5pm. I must be a glutton for punishment. Keeping my fingers crossed that everything goes well. At least it will be a little extra money for Christmas. In other news, we got up all of our Christmas decorations and we have actually bought a few presents. Chris is going to H & R Block sometime this week to see if we can get an advance on our tax refund so we can get the rest. If not, I know we'll work it out someway. Well time to watch some tv before bedtime. At least I don't have to work tomorrow.


Feeling very anxious tonight and I hate it. Need to go to bed but don't want to. Don't want to stay up either. Don't want to go to work tomorrow. Feel like curling up in a ball and crying. Hope these feelings are gone when I wake up.

The day before Thanksgiving...the kids get out of school at 1pm. There is someone knocking on my door at 1:15pm. There's no way the kids are here's the neighbor kid. The one who has such behavioral problems he isn't allowed to ride the bus so he gets his own personal car to pick him up and drop him off. "My dad is going somewhere". Me: "So. Why can't you go with him?" Him: "I don't know. Dad! She's here!" The "dad": "Can you watch him while I go to the dump?" I'm thinking he's had ALL FUCKING DAY to do this so why now??? And why can't the kids go with him??? I ask him how long he'll be gone...he claims only as long as it takes him to go there and back. Did I mention he's going to the one in Farmville that's 20 minutes away when there is a dump here in Burkeville, less than 5 minutes down the road? UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! These people WILL NOT ruin my Thanksgiving! If he is not back in an hour I will not watch them again. OH, and did I also mention that he has not yet paid me for the two times I watched them last week, one of those times of which I was not even asked to watch them, he just left home without a word. His excuse was that he thought his wife called me and asked. His wife who actually has a job in Richmond. Why would she call and ask for him when he's right across the street? Ok, enough venting for now. I may be back later.

Grrr at the bank
It has now happened 3-4 times that we will put a check in the bank, go somewhere to get something and our debit card is declined. This is after I have checked the bank website and it is showing that the check is in (which it shows right after you deposit it). So why does this happen???? Last night we deposit a check at 4:30p. Shortly after that, I check the bank website and it's showing in our account. We drive to Farmville, get gas, and go somewhere to get something to eat. We order, go to pay, and our card is declined. We drive straight to an ATM and it lets us get money out and the receipt says our balance is what it should be. After eating we go to Wal-Mart and use our debit cards and everything goes fine.

It's happened before that we have a basket full of stuff at Wal-Mart right after getting paid and our card is declined but then we are able to write a check. Someone once said it's because the bank's computers are updating and during that time, the money doesn't show up in there. If that's the case, why don't they wait to do that in the middle of the night when the majority of people are asleep and not out spending money???

Anyway, I was totally embarrassed last night for no good reason and I HATE it when that happens. End of rant.

It's been a good day
Chris and I went to Powhatan/Midlothian today in search of issue 75 of Invincible. We got that, issue 66 that we were missing, a Previews, and Fables: 1001 Nights of Snowfall for just over $20. It pays to be married to a comic artist! We also went to Target and looked at all the Christmas decorations and candy. I feel the excitement building and also the bittersweet feelings of remembering past Christmases and the family that is no longer with us. When my grandma died December 6, 1998, my dad's side of the family stopped getting together. No more Christmas breakfasts at Grandma's house, no more spending the day with cousins, aunts, and uncles I don't see otherwise. When dad died December 25, 2000, mom stopped having Christmas morning at her house. No more delicious food cooked by my dad, no more Christmas trees for mom... Then Papa died March 21, 2003. No more Christmas Eves at Nanny & Papa's house, no more family dinners with aunts, uncles, and cousins I don't see otherwise, no more Christmas decorations for Nanny.

Not to mention when Chris's aunt Leigh and uncle John more Burke family Christmases. Now Chris's parents live in a tiny house so no more cooking for my mother-in-law and no more Christmas at their house. So many changes to family traditions...each one leaving a small hole in my heart. I LOVE Christmas. It is such a magical time of year for me. I love the decorations, the lights, the scents, the sounds, the time spent with family....I want to pass these things on to my children. I hope I am making memories for them that they will hold onto all their life and look back on when they are grown.

Two weeks from today is Thanksgiving. We are supposed to be eating at my sister-in-law's house. Her husband will cook the turkey. We won't have many sides because they are so picky they don't like most things. Also, eating elsewhere means no leftovers to snack on for the next week. No turkey sandwiches, leftover stuffing with gravy, rolls, pumpkin pie.... I think I'm going to have to do a second Thanksgiving dinner at home. I know it's not a healthy outlook, but in my family, food = love. Eating comfort food at the table with my family and having conversations about anything and everything is one of the things I love the most. (No wonder I'm overweight!) Tonight I'm going to give my kids an extra hug and a kiss and tell them that I love them. I want them to enjoy their childhoods and know that they are loved.

Ok, scratch that...
I was researching Alli and getting myself all psyched up to do this when I found out that there are drug interactions with Alli and my thyroid medicine. I wasn't on that medicine back when my doctor suggested I try it. So I guess I will pass on that. Bummer. Back to the drawing board.

Trying to lose weight.......AGAIN
I mentioned the other day about my health problems. This only compounds the self-loathing I have felt for years. I was a very skinny child. If you have seen my son Hunter, I was like and bones. I got my tonsils out when I was in the 9th grade. The family joke is that we gain weight after we get our tonsils out. Well I guess I probably hit full-blown puberty around that time so I did start filling out and getting curves. Still, when I graduated high school I was a healthy 140 pounds. I met Chris when I was in the 10th grade. My mom says I'm fat because of him. She thinks I picked up his bad eating habits and his lack of exercise. She even refers to the time when I was skinny as BC (Before Chris). I suppose this may be true to some degree but it could also have to do with the fact that I had 3 kids between the ages of 20 and 24. But I can't blame it all on that either. I was up to 198 on the day I gave birth (before giving birth). Today, 9 years later, I weigh even more. According to my Wii Fit, I weigh 202.8. There I said it....I am obese. It's no wonder fat is running through my veins like blood and my heart can barely pump my blood through. I'm a walking heart attack waiting to happen.

Plus, the vain side of me HATES the way I look. So for the 9,368,298th time I am going to try to lose weight. For now I'm going with prescription-strength Alli - that's 2 pills with each meal instead of the one pill the directions call for. And yes, my doctor said that was ok and in fact told me to try it. I have tried it before in the past but it does cause some unpleasant side effects. I quit before for that and many other reasons but this time I'm not giving up! Yes, I say that everytime but one of these times it has to be true.

So anyway, I exercised for 29 minutes on the Wii Fit and I'm going to try and do that 5 days a week. Stay tuned....

Neighbor kids....grrrr
I really really hate babysitting the neighbor kids. They are rude, the boy has anger-management issues and ADHD, and the girl wants to eat me out of house and home. The parents wait until the last minute to ask me to watch them and take advantage of the fact that I live across the street and I'm usually home. They pay me crap when they do pay me. I watched them 3 days last week and have yet to be paid yet they could afford to go to the mountains in Tennessee on vacation. Then surprise, surprise the dad shows up today with a bunch of rambling bullshit asking if I could watch them because his sister had to go to the doctor because she has sinus issues or stomach problems (he didn't know even though she was at his house) and his daughter just got a house in Ashland that is in such bad shape Social Services is threatening to take her kids so he had to go to Ashland to make repairs to her house and blah, blah, blah. White trash pieces of shit! Please move away and leave me the fuck alone!!!!

Ok, now that I've gotten that off my chest I feel better.

Writer's Block: Stay Fashionable in Winter Weather
When it’s cold, wet, or snowy, how do you stay fashionable?

Me, fashionable? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! I'm not fashionable in any weather. At this point in my life (33 year old mother of 3), my main goal is comfort without looking horrible. So I guess that means a loose fitting long-sleeve shirt, good fitting jeans, warm socks, and if it's really cold, boots. Throw a coat on top and add some gloves and I'm ready to go.

I'm Still Alive
Wow, I haven't posted on here in over a year. I've tried out other blogs but I haven't been consistent anywhere. I suppose that stems from the fact that I don't feel like I have anything interesting to write about. So I'll just write about my un-interesting life.

For starters, I've been sick for about a month now. It started as a cold, moved into sinus/ear infections and now my ears have been stopped up for the past week and I can barely hear. This has been one of the most aggravating parts of it all. I don't hear my kids/hubby when they talk to me and if I'm trying to hear something and there is background noise - forget it. It's given me a whole new appreciation for people who are hard of hearing. It would really suck to be this way all the time and I can't wait until it goes away.

Money is tight around here as always. The phone rings all day with calls from collection agencies, I get bills in the mail saying "FINAL NOTICE", the satellite and phone companies have threatened to disconnect service, and if we weren't 2 months behind on the car payment it would be paid off this week. Of course there is Thanksgiving and Christmas to look forward to. I LOVE both holidays and I know they are not all about the money you spend but it's just not the same without a big spread of food and lots of presents for the kids. This year we have decided to borrow money from H & R Block against our tax refund. We'll see how that works out. Last year we borrowed $500 from a family member and had to pay it back with interest. We always have to jump through hoops but it works out in the end. The goal for next year is to get out of debt and pay bills on time. Hopefully our Explorer will keep running after we pay for it and we can go for a while without having to have a car payment (once we pay it off).

Back to my health....I've been going for blood tests on and off because my thyroid and triglycerides are out of whack. My thyroid level is low so my meds for that were upped and I have to go back on the 3rd of December to have that re-tested. My triglycerides are supposed to be below 150 and they are 299. Of course, the answer to that is diet and exercise which I keep saying I'll start tomorrow and tomorrow never comes. Oh well, maybe tomorrow :)

I'm sure there's more I could prattle on about but I'll stop here for now. Have to enjoy the last minutes of peace and quiet before the kids get home from school!


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